My names Fat Amy...

So my husband and I sat down and watched this movie the other night and I loved Fat Amy so much.  I guess probably because since I just had a baby three months ago and still have a fat suit of my own on, I felt like she was a kindred spirit. Although she has way more confidence than I ever will. 

But seriously ever since watching that movie I have been thinking about the meaning of true confidence. Not cockiness but confidence. I mean Fat Amy truly has a lot of confidence in who she is as a person and I was reflecting on whether I as a mother of an 18 month old and a 3 month old feel like I have any self confidence? My husband says I'm beautiful even when I haven't showered and my hair feels like velvet. I call it the velvet stage. but lets be honest its not his opinion that seems to matter to me. Although it does. I love that he thinks I look sexy after a long day of staying at home in my oversized t-shirt with no bra and my hair up in a librarian bun, wearing yoga pants that has paint on it and a hole in the right butt cheek area. I know he thinks I'm hot, he's a guy. and guys like boobs, they don't care whats covering the boobs, they just love boobs. (by the way my husband will be so mad when he sees that I wrote that) thats not the point of this blog.

The point of this blog is that I care what other women think of how I look.  I hate that I do but I do.  And I know that all you ladies out there have the exact same problem.  Its the curse of being a women.  We feel this insane need to compare our bodies to the girl next to us. Guys think we are dressing up and working our butts off at the gym for them but really its for every women we come into contact with.  

hey, maybe it is just me and I'm crazy and in that case pat your back and be proud your not me. But I have a hunch I'm not the only one who thinks this way.  That being said why do we consistently feel the need to judge ourselves against others? What are we trying to prove to ourselves?  how do we get from point A of constantly looking each other over to point B of feeling confident like Fat Amy, in our own skin around other women?

I mean I just had a baby three months ago and I had another baby before that 15 months ago so my body  is so stretched and worn that most days I hate looking at the mirror or putting on any kind of pant that has buttons or a zippers on it.  I should be looking at my body with respect for bringing in new life and not get frustrated that the pounds are just melting away, and the stretch marks fading. How can a women who believes she is a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves her, feel so inferior to all other women?

With all those questions now posed I have decided that instead of just losing the baby weight for my new years resolution I am going to try and become a more confident me in the present tense.  I'm not going to focus on how many pounds I lose or how many calories I eat. I'm going to focus on how I can stop comparing myself to every women out there that I come into contact with.  I'm going to learn how to truly be happy with me, mother of two beautiful girls, wife to a super hunky, wonderfully awesome husband, daughter of the best parents ever, sister-in-law to 4 super funny and sweet sisters, home cook, book worm, hater of green olives, LOTR geek, costco junkie, project Runway watcher, leaf hunter, power walker, can't have dishes in the sink when I go to bed, stretchy pant wearer, malerie.

thanks fat Amy.

love,

Fat Mal

Violet Brooke Ellgen

Well I had a feeling the next time I decided to blog would be about Violets birth so instead of beating around the bush I will get straight into the nitty gritty.

My due date was September 20th but in my opinion due dates should be thrown out the window. It just makes poor hormonal pregnant women go crazy especially when the due date comes and goes and there is no sign of a baby.  Anyways, we had a doctors appointment the tuesday before and decided to get induced saturday night.  Now I know especially from personal experience that many women have very strong feelings about induction.  And I understand why lots of women don't believe in induction unless absolutely necessary. blah blah blah.  I've come to the belief that whatever a women wants to do regarding her pregnancy and delivery is her business not the rest of the worlds.  I can't believe how many people gave me a judgmental look when I said I was being induced. I'll be honest I wanted to be induced because I was done with the pregnancy and our Dr. was going to be on call to be able to deliver the baby.  And I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Saturday morning I woke up with nausea and heartburn which isn't all that unusual, but it progressed to throwing up all day. Which sucked.  When we parked our car in the hospital parking garage, I threw up in an airsick bag that I had pocketed from the last time we flew. Unfortunately I also peed my pants. lovely.  So I got to check into the hospital with peed pants.  good thing I was wearing my black stretchy pants. Well we got all checked in and I got to changed.  The nurse started me on an IV and put some Zofran in it so the nausea went away. Glorious.  Around 8:50 the nurse stuck some sort of tablet in a tender place to ripen my cervix I was 3 cm dilated and about 50 percent effaced. (Bryce hates that I say ripen the cervix so thats why I say it). around 12 am the nurse came to check me and they started me on Pitocen.  They kept telling me to try and rest which is silly because every time I moved even an inch the monitor tracking the baby's heart beat would shift and they would have to come in and readjust it. Annoying. Then around 3 am when I did finally fall asleep they had put a lady in the room next to me who had come to the hospital to late and was screaming,"I NEED TO PUSH ...I NEED TO PUSH!" there was a lot of screaming and horrible horrible noises for about 30 minutes and then we heard a baby crying.  It was a bit traumatic for me and bryce.  The nurse told me later that the women really wanted an epidural but was to far to get one. I was not going to let that happen to me so around 6 am I asked for my epidural and the nurse being the blessed women that she was gave me some narcotics to help with the pain while we waited for the anesthesiologist to come.  She told me the narcotics would make my head feel fuzzy like I was drunk.  She was right it felt amazing and it made me relax a ton.  At one point while I was getting the epidural placed I commented in my drunk like state that I could see how people get addicted to narcotics. Bryce and the nurse just laughed. When the epidural was in and I was feeling nothing below the belt I felt relaxed and happy.  At 7 am a new nurse started her shift and checked me I was now 7/8 cm dilated and she said that my Doctor would be coming in soon and that he would probably break my water.  She left and seriously two seconds later I felt this weird popping sensation. My water had broke and so she came back and cleaned me up.  My Dr. came in soon after and checked me I was complete and we could begin to push.  The Dr. made me give a practice push and immediately told me to stop because the baby was right there. The nurses hurriedly set up the room and I was told to push again. I only had to push about three times and little Violet was born.  Our Dr. let Bryce catch Violet and cut the cord.  Everything after that was a blur. I couldn't believe how fast it all happened.  Our healthy beautiful baby girl was finally her with us after all the waiting.  

Violet Brooke Ellgen 

Born September 23. 2012 at 8 am

weighed 7 lbs. 1oz. and 19.5 inches  

We are adjusting to our new life and Ruby is a great big sister.  She doesn't really understand what is going on but every time she sees Violet she points and says baby and gets really excited.  Violets been swatted at a couple times by Ruby but taken it like a champ.  She is a great eater and sleeper and is just beautiful and precious.  We only had to stay in the hospital one night after.  I am recovering quickly and   I love that I can sleep on my stomach again. I think that is good enough for now. I know it was a long post but its more for me than for you so yeah.

Where the H*** have I been...

I bet you all have been sitting on pins and needles wondering where my giant belly has been all this time. Well let me tell you I have been to busy having a super packed and fun summer.  It also doesn't help that we have still not purchased internet so we have been living in the dark ages.  No internet, no TV, just us and our thoughts. SCARY. 

What have the B&M been doing this summer? just everything. we had a Jeff Elmer Family Reunion, we went camping, we've been stalking the public Library, watching a lot of Project Runway, and this weekend we are heading to Sandpoint to visit Bryce's sister and her family.

It was fun having all my siblings and there families come to Spokane for a week.  It was fun being one big giant family again.  My parents decided to have the wonderfully talented Misty come and take family pictures. At first I didn't want an individual family photo until after Violet was born because to be honest I didn't want this pregnancy documented as closely. But I am really happy with how they look.

We also went camping with our friends Kelly and Holden, and Ruby loved the great out doors. 

One of the funnest things for us and especially Ruby is swimming with our poopy poppy. Ruby is quite the water dog.

So since we haven't had any internet or TV we have been frequenting the library and in the past three weeks I have already devoured 5 books

The Glass Castle (awesome totally recommend to anyone)

The Jane Austen Book Club (easy read but not that great)

The Baby Whisperer (Not my favorite but something to read)

Perks of Being A Wall Flower (I liked it but its not for everyone)

Heaven is Here (Loved and would recommend it to anyone and everyone)

I'm waiting for my next book to come, its called Intuitive Eating, I've heard its great, but I must admit I am a bit skeptical. But I would love some recommendations for books to read after I'm done with that one so give me your favorite reads and if I can find it at the Library I most likely will read it. Well my friends I hope I have caught you up and given you a little glimpse into what we have been doing these past couple of months. 

I will leave you with one funny story. So we went to the Thornes to swim and have fun and I decided I would join in on some fierce badminton.  I was doing really well and had a lot of fun and everyone around me seemed to be having a fun time too since we were all giggling and laughing.  Little did I know that most of the giggles were directed towards me being 8 months prego and playing badminton. I was told I looked a lot like this lovely chick-a-dee. Remember her? hahaha 

Happy Birthday Ruby Mae

I blame pregnancy for all the few and in between blog posts I've been dishing out lately. So much has happened lately from Bryce graduating to Gramp's 95th birthday.  But this post is dedicated to the only girl that can make cottage cheese legs look good.  That's right, Ruby Mae is a year old and with her new found age and wisdom she has taken on a whole new personality trait... sassiness.  To say I should be surprised is a slap to the face. Anyone who knows me knows it's a trait I perfected at a young age. I guess I was hoping it came later in life for her but she is my daughter so who am I kidding. The morning of her birthday I got her out of her crib like usual with snuggles and giggles and a few mamama's on her part.  But the instant we got upstairs and I sat her down she threw the biggest fit.  I mean flinging her chubby little body to the ground as if someone yelled, "hit the deck!" and whipping her head back and forth like she was auditioning for a part in Willow Smiths music video "I whip my hair".  I just sat there and starred at her and I'm pretty sure my mouth was open. It was as if I was seeing my daughter for the first time. She waited twelve long months to pull that stunt on me. And ever since than she has had this little tude about her that's so her mom.  I'm doomed. I guess I should feel lucky she only gets 50% of my genes and that her dad is a total saint.

Anyways other than this new persona Ruby has acquired, Her birthday was great.  We celebrated it early since Bryce's parents were in town for Bryce's graduation and we didn't want them to miss out on her first birthday celebration.  It was fathers day so we had a nice father's day dinner and then we dedicated the rest of the time to Rubes.  I made this awesome bajillion layered cake that I got off of pinterest.  It had every color of the rainbow and looked delicious it just didn't turn out as pretty as I had hoped. Oh well thats life. We let Ruby dig in and after a few hesitant attempts she got her stride and enjoyed making a mess.  We don't call her fatty patty for nothing. 

Ok time for some sappiness so bare with me. I still remember everything from the day she was born and  

the moment the Dr. placed her on my chest.  I had never felt that kind of love before in my life then when my sweet, precious Ruby was in my arms and after waiting 10 long months of all sorts of adventures, having this beautiful baby girl there right in front of me was perfection. 

I love you Ruby Mae

Rubster

Rubes

Ruby Booby

Rubinator

Rubius Hagrid

Fatty Patty

Boobster

rubixcube

rhubarb

Happy first birthday I can't wait to celebrate many more. Daddy and I love you so much and are so glad  you wanted to be apart of our family. Even if you do come with a little attitude.

11 Months and she's still alive...

11 months old and we have kept Ruby alive to this point. I think that is a great accomplishment in itself.

I can't believe next month Ruby will be a year old.  She's getting to big to fast.  That might be why I decided to have another one so soon... so I can have my little baby fix. I couldn't of asked for a happier little girl.  She is always smiling and happy especially when she gets to play with her best friend and cousin Liv.

These girls are really going to miss each other when we move. Bryce accepted a job a while back. Its off of division up north so we decided to move to be closer to work.  We haven't moved yet but next month we are packing up and shipping out.  I have never lived in North Spokane so this will be like moving to a new town. But I think the person that Ruby is going to miss the most will be her Poppy.

Luckily we won't be to far away that these two can't get their fix of each other.  Its been really fun living with my parents and having my brother and sister-in-law there too.  But we are very ready to have our own place again.  

Speaking of having your own space.  Violet has really taken up room and board in my belly.  Its true what they say, you get bigger with each pregnancy! I'm only 24 weeks and I am already looking pretty large and in charge. luckily I have had way more energy during this pregnancy than last so I am way more active.  Which is good because my need for chocolate and peanut butter and all things bad for you has shot through the roof. Its pathetic what I will do to get what i'm craving. I even stooped so low as to raid my dad's candy stash that he got for valentines day and eat a huge box of Hot Tamales while he was out of town and that he later informed me he was saving tell the right moment.  I blame it on hormones. They will jack you up.